Strange Things

MAC and Peas

erratic_prophet | 27 May, 2007 22:12

The crazies were out in full force today..

Very Old Lady: "Where's your MAC counter?"

Me: "I'm sorry, ma'am, but this store doesn't have a MAC counter."

VOL: "And why not?!"

Me: "As you can see, we have.."

(More)

Now It All Makes Sense

erratic_prophet | 26 February, 2007 11:19

Where I got my bad taste in men..

Mom: "So for our first date-- and the first time I've ever been to a movie-- your father took me to see Death Wish.."

Me: "...you're kidding me, right?"

Mom: "I wish. I was horrified! I kept my eyes squeezed shut the whole time. I thought all movies were that bad."

Me: "So he takes you to see Death Wish and you not only date him again, but marry him? What's wrong with you?"

Mom: "I don't know.. I thought he was cute!"

Me: "God. The Girl is so screwed if she inherits the Date-Only-Idiots gene from us."

Merry YAWN Christmas

erratic_prophet | 25 December, 2006 13:05

Merry Christmas, all!

So tired. Hate retail. Evil people waiting until last minute, I spit on you. Might get department transfer. Lost another coworker. Still being stalked.

More to come. Crashing again.

Where the Hell Have I Been?

erratic_prophet | 07 December, 2006 16:55

I've been such a naughty girl not posting here in ages. I did have some opportunity, but I selfishly decided to use my free time to relax. Well, not so much relaxing, really. That's just been the past few days. Before that it's been all running around here and there. Doing this, doing that, getting a new cell phone, being stalked some more, being a wunderkind at work without any effort whatsoever, going on a Girl's Night Out, and so on... (More)

All New Low

erratic_prophet | 27 October, 2006 14:19

Lately, I've been on a pill popping frenzy. Not illegal drugs, mind you, all prescribed. My gyno's been switching my birth control to a lower dosage hormone to, hopefully, cut back my migraines, but, unfortunately, my insurance doesn't cover the one he gave me, so I'm switching to a different one in a few days time when this pill pack runs out. By the way, anyone have any experience with Ortho Tricyclen Lo? That's what I'll be switching too and I'm hoping I don't become too loopy. I've been horribly hormonal this month, suffering from mood swings and break outs. But not all of that can be blamed on the birth control. Another pill would be to blame for some of that.. (More)

Duh-Rah-Mah!

erratic_prophet | 03 October, 2006 15:38

So lately, over the course of several weeks, I've been in the grips of doctor drama, work drama, family drama, basically any kind of drama you can think of. Because I'm a magnet for that sort of thing.

The doctor drama... I finally got fed up with my doctor. Not only did I become fed up with him, my pharmacist was fed up with him. So I dropped him and took up my family's-- Yes, my whole family goes to the same doctor. It saves on explaining family medical history.-- doctor because I saw he was finally available to my insurance. This is when things went bad and weird.

(More)

Holy Crap!

erratic_prophet | 18 September, 2006 12:24

I thought that an apt title since those are the words that have been so frequently falling from my lips. I've been a busy little monkey lately. I've been: getting the kids ready for school, helping new hires at work, bracing myself for the upcoming holiday onslaught, and fending off well-meaning cupids. I haven't had a chance to breathe! (More)

A Tip for the Guys

erratic_prophet | 06 August, 2006 01:01

To any guys out there who may read this, should you happen to see a lady you find attractive in the supermarket parking lot after dark, I suggest that you do not follow her around while grunt "Uhn!" at her. It will not make her swoon. It will only creep her out and make her want to mace you.

Love and Laughter

erratic_prophet | 14 February, 2006 17:27

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!

I spent the day making Valentines for the kids. I do this every year. As they get older, they get a bit more elaborate. This year, I put in silly little poems (nothing good or funny like Pamie's Annual Valentine's Day Poems that I love to read) I wrote to them telling them how much I love them. I like watching them pretend that they're embarrassed by the cards, playing it cool, hiding their little smiles. I hope they'll always be secretly pleased by my cheesy, corny cards.

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The Psychotic Snipper

erratic_prophet | 04 December, 2005 12:25

The salon (ex?) boss is a crackhead.

I noticed the odd bit of insanity now and then, but shrugged it off as eccentricity. Even when my dear Albanian friend-- a.k.a., DAF-- told me she was insane, I attributed it to a clash of egos mixed in with a bit of dramatic exaggeration on my friend's part. Today, I learned how right she was. And I called her to apologize.

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Slacker

erratic_prophet | 31 October, 2005 19:33

That'd be me. I've been a total slacker with this blog lately. I haven't had much to write about. Not a whole post's worth, anyway. More randomness...

I still don't know who won the pumpkin contest. I'm a wee bit annoyed by this. The higher-ups at work are bigger slackers than I.
I'm determined to get a hair cut this week. I haven't had one since the beginning of the year, I believe, and I'm way overdue. I will hurt anyone trying to get in my way.

(More)

Crazy Cat Lady In Training

erratic_prophet | 21 October, 2005 14:45

Many wonder why I have no urge to date anymore. Many wonder why I've given up and decided to become the neighborhood Crazy Cat Lady (but with only one cat). Let me tell you about last night at work... (More)

Murder Death Kill

erratic_prophet | 21 September, 2005 21:31

I'm so angry right now. I'm shaking and I want to hurt someone. That someone has a name, but I won't mention it here. Suffice to say, he's a neighbor's kid. (More)

Full Moon Madness, Pt. 2

erratic_prophet | 22 August, 2005 21:17

I completely forgot to mention the crazy coworker I worked with last Saturday.

Let me paint a picture of my day first. I was feeling crap. Waves of dizziness and nausea hit me, letting me know of an oncoming migraine. Add onto that cramps and crazy people and I was positively chipper.

(More)

Full Moon Madness

erratic_prophet | 20 August, 2005 21:31

A few coworkers and I were discussing how the crazy quotient jumped way up the past couple of days. We blame it on the full moon. It's the only logical explanation. I even have an example from today... (More)

Craving

erratic_prophet | 05 August, 2005 21:45

I've had this huge craving for ribollita-- a wonderful Italian soup made with cannelini beans, greens and thickened with bread (really!)-- and since I had the day off today-- and none off this weekend-- we set off for the farmer's market nearby to purchase items so I could gorge myself on hot, steamy goodness in the middle of a heat wave. (More)

The Wild Goose Chase

erratic_prophet | 18 July, 2005 22:47

No, I wasn't chased by geese. Again.

Not this time anyway..

(More)

Rush

erratic_prophet | 17 July, 2005 21:45

Oh. My. God.

This week/weekend has been a blur. I'm not even sure when it started. I was just racing along, then I was coasting along, now I'm on the side of the road with steam pouring out from under my hood.

I can't even string together enough words to form proper sentences, never mind paragraphs. That means: List Time!

(More)

Drah-mah!

erratic_prophet | 15 July, 2005 13:28

I was swamped with things to do at work last night. It was so unexpectedly busy that there was much to straighten out and put away. I didn't think I'd get it all done. Ok, I didn't get it all done, but I did all that I could. But that's not the drama. Oh, no.. Have a seat and let me dish.

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Sane vs. Insane

erratic_prophet | 11 July, 2005 19:15

I've been giving a lot of thought to why I seem to attract so many mentally unhinged (or would it be sanity challenged?) people.

It's like I told my mother: Whereas my cousin-- the oft mentioned Den-- was very accident-prone growing up-- a pool broke when he was in it, he was hit by a car twice, broke his arm during a wrestling match, totalled my father's car-- I seem to be crazy-prone. Or like I told J: I attract psychos like mentally retarded (or is it mentally disadvantaged?) moths to a flame.

(More)

If It's Not One...

erratic_prophet | 10 July, 2005 18:44

It's the other...

I got an email from an ex-boyfriend today. Oddly enough, I'd been expecting it. I had a dream quite a while back that he'd be writing me again. I wasn't sure if I dreamt it because I was dealing with The Mad Poet's letters and, well, why not pile this onto that? Because that's usually how my luck goes. And since I seem to have gotten rid of The Mad Poet-- I'm sure it's only temporary, he never did give up easily-- it only makes sense that the other would pop back into my life.

(More)

My Trip to Hell

erratic_prophet | 09 July, 2005 12:27

I went and took the exam today.

My dearest, darling baby cousin came by around 8 AM and we quickly set off. I quickly realized that all of us on the road were going to the same place. Heads were staring off at the left side of the road, searching for the turnoff. That was one less worry on my list. If I got lost, we all got lost.

(More)

The Questionnaire

erratic_prophet | 05 July, 2005 16:22

Since it seems that I've gotten rid of all psychos and stalkers in my life, it's only time before the next one pops up. I've become practical about this. I figure that any future suitor will have to answer a basic questionnaire I've come up with. I've been fine tuning it, with the help of J. It always helps to have a guy's opinion on this stuff.

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The Lady in the Lobster Hat

erratic_prophet | 17 June, 2005 11:03

I never knew my dreams were such odd things until I started to tell people about them.

I was flipping through a magazine and I saw a red hat. Perched on the brim was a lobster. I turned to my mom, pointed at the picture, and said, "This reminds me of that dream I had a long time ago. In it, I was a restaurant detective-- yeah, I know, work with me here-- and I remember walking through the foyer and seeing this babushka-type woman holding an expensive silver tray with a gutted fish on it and a chic woman wearing a lobster as a hat. After that, it went downhill. I found body parts in the wall behind the toilets.." And that's when I noticed the look on her face. So I said, "Too weird?" and she nodded and said, "Just a bit."

It's a good thing that I skimmed over the parts between the lobster hat and the body parts.

(More)

Only in Threes

erratic_prophet | 16 June, 2005 14:09

Another letter from The Mad Poet came today. This is the third from him for those of you keeping track. It came less than a week after his last. I thought I'd get a longer reprieve than that. No rest for the wicked, I guess.

(More)

Unscrambler

erratic_prophet | 15 June, 2005 12:20

The Girl has a hard time with unscrambling words. She's been staring at the same sheet for about a half hour now. Why is The Girl at home and not at school? Remember how I said she was a demon in the guise of a sweet little seven year old girl?

(More)

The Letter

erratic_prophet | 12 June, 2005 13:13

I stupidly decided to read the letter just before bed. To say it was disturbing would be a gross understatement. I'm glad he's in jail several states away. He should be in a padded cell, though, given what I read..

(More)

The Mad Poet Strikes Again!

erratic_prophet | 11 June, 2005 22:06

Got another letter in the mail today from him. Looks like I've got my own prison pen pal. Aren't I lucky? I haven't decided whether to read it or not. Curiosity might get the best of me...

(More)

Arch Nemesis

erratic_prophet | 01 June, 2005 22:41

Ok, not really an arch nemesis..

But I don't like her. I tried to! I really did! But...I don't. I've noticed that every time we work together, that she works really hard to look like she's doing something when she's totally not doing anything. It's irksome. And that's not the only thing. I compiled a list of sorts on my way home..

(More)

The Mad Poet

erratic_prophet | 31 May, 2005 22:39

I'm sure that all of you-- or maybe it's just Edana-- are wondering about The Mad Poet and how he got his name. Let's take a trip down memory lane for this tale, shall we?

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Living the Paranoiac's Dream

erratic_prophet | 29 May, 2005 16:07

There are some days when I'm quite sure that the world is out to get me. Yesterday was one of those days.

(More)

BeepBEEP BeepBEEP

erratic_prophet | 26 May, 2005 18:02

Living in suburbia, as we do, there are certain things that you just do because they're done.

One of those things is caring about your lawn. We failed that miserably. It's a brownish green and patchy. We do not have the suburban lawn. That's mostly because of god knows what the kids have been doing. I caught them kicking around dirt the other day, causing yet another grassless patch in our yard.

(More)

Canny Hands

erratic_prophet | 25 May, 2005 16:09

I've mentioned before how going food shopping with my kids is on par with going through all nine circles of hell for a day trip. In fact, I think the day trip to hell sounds rather pleasant. I could pack a light picnic or something. It'd be a few hours being tormented by other beings anyway.

(More)

Amusing Park

erratic_prophet | 21 May, 2005 21:09

The town I visited, in southern Russia, was built around a rather large park. Really, the park was unbelievably huge. And I don't think anyone really mapped the whole thing out. There was always something new to find there. Luckily, you couldn't easily get lost. If you took a path long enough, eventually it would lead you out of the park. We'd passed the amusement park several times before we decided to give it a go. That was our first and last time to a Russian amusement park.

(More)

Burning Down the House

erratic_prophet | 15 May, 2005 19:10

It ain't just a song anymore. Not after today, anyway.

Ok, ok. I didn't quite burn down the house. Not the whole house..

(More)

Culture Shock

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 16:47

More background on me, the family and our trip to Russia and a story about how we were attacked by rabid fish can be found here.

***

To say things were a bit different in Russia than they were back at home in Jersey would be a gross understatement. Even the city we were in was unlike anything I'd seen back home. It was clean. Even when we were in Moscow, the subways were not only gorgeous-- think marble, gold plating, etc.-- they were spotlessly clean. They looked more like museums than public transport stations.

(More)

Things I've Been Chased By..

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 15:17

My family has a fine tradition of being chased by various animals and I continue to follow in their footsteps. Here is a list of animals that I have been chased by: (More)

Why I Don't Like Geese

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 15:16

I have a long history of fear and loathing where geese are concerned. For some strange reason, they love to attack me. Even as a baby. My mom had to stop taking me to the park because they'd charge after me, en masse. (More)

Technology for Dummies

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 14:55

Dear Aunt Jo-

I do not even know you, but I feel as if I do. You've left many messages on my voicemail. I don't know why you think my name sounds like "Sally"-- it's not even remotely close to that-- yet you still leave messages for dear Sally on there. You're an angry woman, Aunt Jo. I guess that's why Sally's mom had your number blocked. Or were you calling another wrong number there, too? (More)

Prom Night

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 13:40

Or B-Actor Catfight Night

I'm not as lucky as my friends. They meet famous people a lot. Yes, I'm looking at you, J. I always almost meet the famous people. Or I meet people who've met famous people. (More)

The Things I Hate About You...

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 13:26

Dear Psycho-

What can I say, really? Every conversation I have with you makes me realize more and more how glad I am that you're no longer a big part of my life. I'm slowly, oh so slowly, phasing you out. You, of course, do not know this. But you will. (More)

The Meat Man

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 13:18

The Meat Man or Psychos You Can Meet in Supermarkets

I was about 14 or so. Every summer we'd go to the shore and rent a cottage for a week. We still do our annual trip to the shore, but now it's a different shore and we stay at a motel. We'd run to the local supermarket and pick up supplies for our week-long vacation. (More)

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